Wish we had a videocock affair!

If only Nixon would have been at the Hancock Hotel instead of the Watergate Hotel...

Satire: How I became World Chess Champion

You certainly have heard of the World Chess Championship 2018. World Champion Bogolblanca had to fight against me. With new FIDE rules, it was a "best of 10". The first game went like this:

Bogolblanca - Hornecker
World Chess Championship 2018, game 1
1.f4
Bogolblanca plays the Bird opening, but I have prepared the Englund gambit, to which I want to continue 2.f:e5 f6.
1.-e5 2.g4!
Bogolblanca offered an interesting gambit. I was shocked. I had never seen anyone play this opening before, and I was a master for over 30 years now. So what was to be done there?
2.-e:f4
Of course, a gambit can mostly be refuted by taking the pawn. The game went on:
3.Sf3! h5 4.g5 Be7 5.h4 d5 6.d3 Bd6
I thought to be safely a pawn up by now.
7.Bg2 Se7 8.Sd4 Sg6 9.B:d5 f3 10.e4 c6 11.g6!! S:g6 12.B:f7+!!
Needless to say, I lost in a few more moves. I analyzed the variation and after an easy draw with White in the second game he played it again. I managed to hold this time. The further games ended in draws, and after game 5 the colors were switched. Finally, in the last night of the match I found a surprising refutation of his gambit.

Bogolblanca - Hornecker
World Chess Championship 2018, game 10
1.f4 e5 2.g4
Now I presented my refutation of this gambit, after which, as you know from the press, even the most stubborn of grandmasters ceased to play it.
2.-Qh4 mate with a small advantage I converted into a full point.

The tie-break match went nice for me, but after a blunder it went into the Armageddon game. As I had Black and had to win the game, my experience with crisis situations came in handy. The venue was robbed during our game, and just as I was about to be checkmated, the robbers broke into our playing room. I quickly made a move, and my opponent didn't realize he was to move as he had to hold his arms up. I paid the robbers nicely afterwards and kept his watch as a memento. Wait, I was not supposed to write this. How can I delete this text?


[EDIT: Somehow I messed up the moves in the first game and can't seem to "recover my thoughts" for the original game. So if you have any clues what I left out, please let me know. I think White castled  kingside and played Sc3, and Black also did something in that time, probably bringing the knight to e5 or something similar. But I can't seem to find a realistic line where B:f7+ wins.]

Ten signs that Donald Trump is president

- Walmart will be renamed to Wallmart
- Target uses the slogan "Everyone's a Target"
- 7/11 is renamed to 11/9
- Card manufacturers make a game where every card is a Trump card
- Volkswagen uses the slogan "Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Auto"
- Violent video games are given to Mexico in exchange for the wall, hoping that they indeed lead to violence.
- The word "hilarious" is written "hillaryous"
- Pepe The Frog is named as Defense Minister
- Barack Obama still works in the White House, but now as slave

And the number one sign that Donald Trump is president:
The United States of America are renamed to The Divided States of America.

Sergiy Didukh exposed

We have collected evidence to expose the greatest fraud in chess composition history. The winner of many awards, the logical composer Sergiy Didukh... does not exist!

We draw our conclusions based on the following evidence:
- Nobody ever has seen Sergiy Didukh. Sergiy Didukh never was at any congress.
- Sergiy Didukh writes sometimes strange things, pointing to an angry, a trolling personality.
- Nobody knows Sergiy Didukh personally.
- Sergiy Didukh based one of his pseudonyms on a professional sportsman that his brother played against.

So here we have the evidence to finally prove...

SERGIY DIDUKH DOES NOT EXIST!

On the contrary, today we are able to expose who is behind that pseudonym. It must be a table tennis enthusiast, it must be someone who lives in the Ukraine, it must be someone with internal knowledge of a certain celebrity.

There is only one possibility.

Sergiy Didukh is finally exposed. He does not exist. Nobody ever saw him. The real "Sergiy Didukh", the great chess composer, the controversial writer, is using the last name of Oleksandr Didukh! He pretends to be the brother. He must be a table tennis enthusiast, living in Ukraine. But nobody ever saw him. He lives in Feodossija. But the great Zinar would not compose like Sergiy Didukh.

So we have only one conclusion. There is only one real Sergiy Didukh. We have seen one study with a slip of mind, one study that by accident was published under the real name of the author. The author who has the studies sent to his accomplice, the professional table tennis player Oleksandr Didukh. So he does not need to live in the Ukraine to receive the studies.

The author is possibly afraid of racism, as he lived through it. He chose another country of origin. He chose to remain anonymous. But then he made a mistake.

There is only one possibility. Sergiy Didukh admitted it on his blog, but he confused the truth. Not Darius Knight is Sergiy Didukh. The truth is more inconvenient. We never received a negative reply from our inquiry to the British table tennis professional, so there can only be the truth...

Sergiy Didukh is in reality... Darius Knight!

We have a superstar of another profession in our midst, another Franz Pachl. Well played, Mr. Knight!

[DE] Skandal: Bundeswehr erteilt Schießbefehl gegen Flüchtling! (Satire)

Es ist der größte Skandal der Bundeswehr seit mehr als 12 Stunden! Der Flüchtling Recep E. (62) floh mit seinem Privatflugzeug nach Deutschland, als das Unglaubliche geschieht: Nur wegen der Gefahr, dass E. in ein Kernkraftwerk fliegen könnte, und weil gegen ihn Anzeigen wegen Völkermordes und Kriegsverbrechen vorliegen, wird sein Asylantrag im Eilverfahren abgelehnt und Schießbefehl erteilt.

Foto: Recep E. (heute 62) bereitet sich auf seine Flucht vor, indem er den deutschen Gruß lernen will, verwechselt diesen aber mit dem römischen Grüß. Kann mal vorkommen.

Militärflugzeuge des Typs Eurofighter sollen an die Südgrenze Deutschlands geschickt worden sein, um einem Terroranschlag zuvorzukommen. Daraufhin soll E. nach London weitergeflogen sein, wo er offiziell als "Ziegenficker" gilt. Es ist noch umstritten, ob dies als Schuldeingeständnis gewertet werden kann, dass er tatsächlich Ziegen vergewaltigt hat.

Schließlich kehrte der Flüchtling reumütig nach Istanbul zurück, wo er nach einem Militärputsch die Macht übernommen hat und weitere Massaker gegen Kurden und die eigene Bevölkerung vorbereitet. Nur den Diktatorengruß muss er noch üben (siehe Foto).